I originally wrote this small essay for my British Literature class during my senior year in High School, but since it applies so well to this page, I am including it here. It is a glimpse into my first encounters with Witchcraft.

The most difficult conflict I have been involved in occured about six years ago. It was around this time that I was coming to the full realization that the religion of my childhood did not suit me at all. There was not much I personally found there to stir my soul, satisfy my longings, or answer my questions. So, I found myself immersed in learning about world religions and exploring some of the foundational concepts of faiths including Zen Buddhism, Taoism, Native American spirituality, Gnostic Christianity, and Neo-Paganism. There were aspects of each religion that I felt drawn to and appreciated, but the more I looked deeply into each creed, the more I knew that of all the religions I had encountered, it was Neo-Paganism that called to me as a spiritual home. This was something I knew instinctively from my very first introduction to Pagan religions and philosophies, however, there were obstacles to overcome.

The most major of these roadblocks was fear. I was not ignorant; I clearly knew that anyone who chose to label themselves as a modern-day Pagan in a largely Christian community was inviting hostility (at least the hostility of a veiled sort, if not of the blatant variety), criticism, and a certain amount of alienation. So in an attempt to shield myself from these unpleasant reactions, I referred to myself in the religious respect as a series of hyphenated titles. At this stage, my long title did include the description "Christian," but not because I truly felt any connection with Christianity. I clung to the label for safety reasons. I thought that if I was ever caught in a conversation with a Christian and felt that I was being scrutinized, I could always try to preserve some credibility by referring to some general things that I sympathised with in the Christian faith.

Of course, sympathising with some of a particular religion's beliefs does not really entitle one consider themselves a member of that religion, especially if they disagree with many other beliefs held by that religion. In retrospect, I feel ashamed that I described myself with a hyphenated title, as I was really not a dedicated adherent to any of those religions, I only found things within them that I appreciated. I did not do any of those religions any benefit by my title, in fact I feel what I did was quite disrespectful. What I should have called myself at that point in time was Agnostic with strong Pagan inclinations. This is but one of the lessons I learned from this conflict.

Eventually I understood that attempting to claim myself as anything but Pagan would be a lie. My choice became clear: lie to myself (and indeed to others) in order to preserve some semblance of safety, or to face the fact that I was something different and to gather the courage to admit it. I chose the latter option, and after I crossed that threshold, I have never looked back. It was a difficult decision particularly because I am not find of taking risks, but I am also not find of dishonesty, and my disdain for dishonesty far outweighed my dislike of risk-taking.

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